Carry wood, drink water
Having our basic human needs met during a time of groundlessness
Trillium Lake, February 2025
Yesterday I was so grateful to join two friends in a ski adventure to Trillium Lake. The snow had just fallen, over 10” the night before, so we were in for a real treat. This was my first time back on these ski trails since before the pandemic! It was nice to visit ungroomed trails, and to see puppies and snowshoers along with the skiiers. It was a stressful week, full of extra appointments and chores. A cord of firewood was delivered to our house, and my partner worked really hard to process it and move it into our backyard. Opie was a little extra anxious this week, it had been mama pug solo time Monday and Tuesday. Monday night when I taught yoga, he demanded my presence sitting and petting him throughout. With all of the extra things going on, it felt harder to do the basic chores in the house. I also fell into an overwhelming addiction to social media when my partner was away for work - to “fill the void” of loneliness (spoiler alert - it actually made me feel more lonely). Ram Dass once said, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family”. In my life this week, it was, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend some time on social media”.
My favorite thing - when inches of fresh snow curl over on top of small trees!
I struggle with the social media addiction. On one hand, I feel like I need to be on there to promote my classes and events. I have many friends and family members where that’s really the only way that we keep in touch, and I don’t want to lose that. On the other hand, I struggle with the Meta verse, and the extremely rich white men who control all of it. I struggle with the news that folks share through there, and I absorb the struggles of many. I watched it translate into my daily life this week. I am in a new therapist relationship, and after my session this Friday I had a big vulnerability hangover sharing all of the Trauma with a new person. I had to ask for needs to be met in my relationship. I regressed in my PTSD, not fully understanding what was going on. I was not able to communicate in a calm and clear manner. When I was clumsily asking for unmet needs to be met, I also regressed in nonviolent communication, externalizing what had happened to the other party instead of how it really happened, how things landed with me and how I interpreted things. After the clumsy ask for needs to get met, I regressed into one of my limiting beliefs of myself, that I had been “bad” this week and I needed to be “better” moving forward. Working through that was difficult. From my childhood this has been my pattern, too scared/shy to ask for needs to be met, exploding when I just can’t keep it inside anymore, and then reverting to the shame over exploding.
Quiet trails, Trillium Lake, February 2025
I’ve been working with a new mantra from my new therapist. For awhile, I had come upon a mantra for when I was struggling, telling myself that “it’s okay to be afraid”. I had come to a place of realization that underneath all of these stories that I told myself was a child who couldn’t show that they were afraid. In my session with my new therapist this week, she suggested a new mantra, “I’m safe”. I repeat the mantra to myself when I’m strugging, and I imagine the light inside of me shining brightly. The new mantra has been super effective already, I found myself using the mantra to steady myself in a dream state multiple times, in what would become a PTSD nightmare. Finally, I felt the shame over my clumsiness in communicating my needs break. I saw the truth of the matter; that I was asking for unmet needs to be met, and I was able to have compassion towards that part of myself and validate myself.
I’m so glad to share that yoga classes at the Community Cycling Center are still going strong! I will be teaching Monday from 5:30-7pm and Wednesday from 7:30-9pm. We will be working into hips, arm balances, and twisting this week.
Sign ups for my Spring Classes are still open! The block printing class is ages 13 and up.
Painting with Gouache on non-traditional surfaces is one of my favorite things to do - and I’m so excited to share it in a class! Ages 18 +.
I am overjoyed to bring a wood burning class in too! Ages 14 +.