Inner Warrior
What stands between ourselves and our strength?
In front of a mural of Durga at Mother Yoga, with owner Nancy Nomellini
This week I’ve been studying the Hindu Goddess Durga for my weekend yoga series. Durga is the warrior Goddess of Strength and Protection, with a fierceness that arises from deep compassion. This morning, my yoga teacher talked about the Sanskrit word asmita, which translates to “small self”. While the ego is part of asmita, it’s more than just that. Asmita refers to our false identification with Self. The positive side of asmita can be seen in the source of a challenge. The negative side of asmita can be seen in the moment fear arises and inhibits us. In this case, we must launch a counter challenge to the fear to disarm it. Iyengar, in the introduction to his translation of the Yoga Sutras, says that asana (the physical practice of yoga) offers a controlled battleground for the process of conflict and creation. An example was given; going up into a headstand. The challenge has been presented, and then fear of having your feet over your head and falling inhibits you. If you stay in your fear and don’t try, you’ll never advance. If you try and fall, you fall, but you get closer, and if you try and try again, eventually you will achieve your goal.
Reversed Warrior at the Community Cycling Center, November 2025
I’ve been thinking about what a process of growth it has been since I left the world of retail after the holidays of 2023. I’ve been filling out new hire paperwork with the City of Portland as I complete the hiring process of teaching yoga as part of the Fitness in the Park program this summer. During the time in between January 2024 and now, it feels like there have been a lot of challenges, and a lot of tries. The other day my kettlebell instructor shared with another instructor, “For the first year I only had two students, but I was so glad to teach I didn’t even care.” I told her how helpful that was to hear. I got hooked on the success of the Pedalpalooza yoga classes that I organized, then really learned a lot as I began to launch other classes. I remember sitting on the bus in San Francisco with my partner, excited that I had just been accepted to teach art classes at Oregon Society of Artists, and learned a lot when the challenge of getting signups presented itself. I’m proud that I’ve kept on going, but it hasn’t been without sadness, confusion, and self doubt.
Picture of Durga (center) hanging at the Vedanta Center
In a meditation about Durga that I was exploring this week it started with the journaling prompt, “Consider one quality in yourself that you know needs to change.” This came after learning that Durga is the Goddess energy that can act as a force of inner revolution. I thought about my continued journey of overcoming my Trauma. I thought about my relationship with drinking and my journey in sobriety. An old friend recently spoke to the struggle of giving up alcohol, and how easy it can be to fall off the wagon in social situations where people are drinking. My answer to this now, the thing that needs to change in my life, is to stop being held back by my own fear. Many times, my fear will cause me to self-reject from a situation. When this happens, it does inhibit my growth. I remember hearing RuPaul speak about how he always used to be late for everything because he was addicted to the rush of the fear of being late. I find that addiction in myself when I procrastinate little things, and sometimes big things (I did my taxes on April 14). It’s a tough one for me.
Join me this Sunday for the second in the Divine Shakti Yoga Series. All of these classes are offered as individual classes. This week we focus on the Mother Goddess Durga, warrior and protector. We will spend the first hour of class discussing and embodying Durga through guided meditation, mantra chanting, and journaling prompts. The second hour of class we will be practicing a special asana (yoga movement) class designed around Durga. Spaces are still open!
Donation-based yoga is still going strong at the Community Cycling Center! Join me Mondays for a Vinyasa Flow from 5:30-7pm, and Wednesdays for a yin practice from 7:30-9pm. Suggested donation is $5-20, donations are collected at the door.
Free yin yoga at the Vedanta Society happens every Tuesday evening from 7:35-8:35. No need to sign up, just drop in! Using the side entrance, the room we practice in is located all the way at the end of the hall. I hope to see you there!