My inner goddess is a drag queen

life teachings from RuPaul

This week, I got to meet RuPaul Charles. A friend let me know about his book tour through Portland, knowing how much we love Drag Race. My partner got online and purchased tickets immediately, and unbeknownst to me, got the special meet & greet. We arrived early, stood in lines, and before we knew it, were cued up to take a photo with Ru! As the line neared the photo booth that had been set up, I could hear his voice, his laughter. When it came to be my turn, I walked in, nervous and excited. Ru looked me in the eyes and said “hey mama” in the gentlest voice. It’s rare to meet someone who exudes so much joy, kindness, and love. We got some pizza and waited in our seats for the show to begin. Ru spoke of his childhood, of his memoir, and about so many things that aligned with my past. A childhood that was difficult. A path to sobriety. How we take care of ourselves as adults. We left the show feeling joyous and inspired.

When I met my partner, he quickly introduced me to RuPaul’s Drag Race. I had heard of it, of course, but I had never watched it. The first few episodes were a little confusing, and after that, I was hooked. I learned the behind-the-scenes “realness” of an art form that is amazing. I emotionally attached to the different queens, and got caught up in the “tea”. We still watch it many times a week, going through old seasons and new. In the midst of this, I began unraveling some of my own difficulties with my own body image. In the evenings I would shower before bed, and say mean things to myself about my body as I looked in the large mirror.

Tiny Carla in the late 1980’s

When my partner and I moved into our home together, the bathroom only had a head mirror. The full length mirror was placed in the living room. The opportunity to pick my body apart was no longer there! I could stand comfortably in front of the mirror after a shower. Through this and the experience of changing and showering at the Community Center where I swim, I found some softness and grace towards my body. When I walk around in the evenings before bed, I have begun to imagine myself as a drag queen prancing down the runway on RuPaul’s Drag Race. I feel so inspired to see queens of all sizes looking and feeling fabulous on the runway. I imagine myself as confident and glamourous as them. Do I still pick apart my body in the mirror? Yes. The fact that it happens less often will have to do for now. This inner saboteur will never leave me. As RuPaul said about his, she’s always there.

Drag Queen Sanjina Dabish (Canada drag race season 5) as Kali, goddess of Revolution

I’ve been studying some Goddesses of the Hindu pantheon recently, putting together a series that I’ll be releasing soon in collaboration with my dear friends at Cargo. It has been a wonderful journey to study the stories, to see myself in each goddess. Through studying Saraswati, for example, I was able to make sense of and create a new narrative around a time in my life when I didn’t have a romantic relationship for six years. I would date, and at the time, I was more devoted to my work than creating relationships. I was also wading through some swampy areas of trauma, and for the past few years, I blamed that (and myself). I felt out of place in our culture, embarrassed and ashamed. Learning about the energy and strength of Saraswati helped me to find softness towards that time in my life.

Community Cycling Center Yoga is on Monday and Wednesday this week. We’ve changed it up so that now it is donation-based, suggested donation $5-$20 at the door.

I’m getting so excited about my Gouache Explorations class coming up in April! I’ll also be doing a gouache demonstration at Lan Su Chinese Gardens on March 30 from 1-3pm. I hope to see you there!